recent posts

    • From the Archives: The War Between Humans and Myths (fiction)

      Another bit of writing I found while looking through old Google Drive folders!! Clearly I need to organize my writing better. This short bit of writing is from July 24, 2014 and included the quote. Enjoy!

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      “Like legend and myth, magic fades when it is unused — hence all the old tales of elfin kingdoms moving further and further away from our world, or that magical beings require our faith, our belief in their existence, to survive.That is a lie. All they require is our recognition.” ~Charles de Lint

      They say that for awhile humans reigned with their science and technology.  That Earth herself took a step back to let them rule, and all the creations of magic and myth fled.  The stories tell of grand towers reaching up to the sky and of a human’s ability to replace a man’s heart and have him live.

      Until one day it all stopped.  Some say the humans went too far and Earth herself rose up to humble them and push them back.  Others say that the creations of magic grew tired of taking a back seat to the arrogance of humans and rose up against them.  

      Nowadays they all tell of the Great War between the humans and their technology and all that is magic.  The humans speak of the truces that were made to fight against a common enemy.  “The enemy of my enemy is my friend”.  The creations of magic say the same.  

      Now those great towers of old have fallen, and much of what once was has been lost.  The humans and the creations of magic live in an uneasy truce hard won, some say even forced upon us by the Earth, in order to save her from destruction.

    • From the Archives: a bit of writing

      Seriously, this is very very short. I found it while going through old Google Drive folders. It is originally from December 23, 2023. I thought it was interesting enough to post even if it is short.

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      The problem with writing anything that isn’t human, especially creatures we’ve never met, especially creatures who may seem human but most definitively are not, is that they’re not human.  We have no idea how their minds work, what their priorities are, how they feel or show emotions, or why they do whatever it is they do.  We can guess, we can imagine, but if we were capable of truly understanding these then they would be only different, not truly inhuman.  Some species may be closer to human, to be more understandable, than others but ultimately they must work differently to be truly different.  So how do we write what we cannot understand?  How do we imagine what our own minds cannot comprehend? 

    • Saying Things (and not saying things)

      Alright, so I don’t ever want to make this blog political in any way, shape, or form. Trust me, I’ve been tempted, but have ultimately decided not to. It’s not what I want this blog to be about, for one, and also I just don’t want to invite that kind of discourse and traffic. So I won’t write about politics and, shockingly, it’s that simple.

      I will never quite understand, at least not fully, the urge to comment or write about a topic in a nonproductive way, or in a way that isn’t supportive, constructive, or making a personal connection. People write on about the “anonymity of the internet” and human nature but honestly I think it’s just a choice. I might think whatever I want in my head but I can decide not to write it down and, perhaps more importantly, not to put it out in a public forum. My father used to say, and I’m sure he was quoting someone else, “You are the master of the words unspoken, once spoken they are master of you.”

      I wrote a whole thing (before I was attempting to seriously blog) about not really being a sharer and then blogging anyway. I even posted it as a “From the Archives” post when I was setting up this blog. Ultimately, though, I think that sharing is part of being human. We want to be noticed, to feel important (or meaningful), and to make connections. This urge isn’t unique to the internet generations; I think it’s probably part of why newspapers run editorials and opinion pieces.

      So sharing is human, but we all have brains which can decide whether something is worth sharing or not. A student of mine, from a few years ago, once told me that he could say whatever he wanted because “I have freedom of speech” and I replied that he also had to brain to think about it first–or something like that. He’s not alone in his sentiments though, as reading the comments section just about anywhere will demonstrate. Plenty of people seem to see freedom of speech as permission to be rude, to engage in bullying behavior, and to assert their own opinions over the right of others to have opinions.

      Admittedly, my parents raised me to be polite and respectful. As such I go into every encounter, whether online or in person, with the idea that whoever I’m dealing with is due a minimum level of respect simply for being a person. It should be said that, judging by the reactions of those around me, my minimum level is apparently higher than some others’ level. One woman I used to work with even asked me why I was so nice to her. She seemed confused when my answer was “because I don’t have a reason not to be.”

      I think sometimes we think that not saying something means being seen as having no opinion, or as having an opinion that agrees with whatever opinion has been shared, but I’m not sure that’s the case on the internet. Someone posting something from across the world has no idea whether I’m even reading what they wrote, never mind whether I’m tacitly agreeing with it or not. I can always reply or comment with “I don’t agree with this” or “I think differently because” (note: as a teacher I can tell you the second option is better), but the truth is that the original poster or commenter probably doesn’t care. They might even never see it, depending on how close a watch they keep on their own comments.

      When I was little, about three or four years old, I had a simple way of dealing with adults and children I thought were being silly. Mostly, for adults, this meant that they baby talked (or slow talked) down to me. My parents didn’t do this and I always thought it was weird and insulting. Condescension is still one of my biggest pet peeves. I have a brain, thank you, and it even works. Anyway, my response was simple: I wouldn’t respond. To my parents’ relief, people just thought I was shy. The truth was that I was staring, judgmentally, at them with running commentary in my head about how ridiculous they sounded.

      My reasons for not saying any of that commentary aloud are pretty similar to how I feel as a 38 year old adult. For one thing, saying all of that would just be unnecessarily rude, especially to a complete stranger. Perhaps I could have said, “Please talk to me like a functioning human capable of thought,” but those kinds of boundaries are things you’re better at navigating with a bit more life experience, I think. I also just didn’t understand why the person would need to me to say it. They were, to put it in an unflattering kind of way, unimportant. They would come into my life and they would leave it, pretty much as quickly as they entered it.

      As a child, I had the luxury of not engaging and it’s a luxury I delight in online as well. If I think someone is being silly, ridiculous, mean, or what have you, I can just roll my eyes and move on with my life. The world doesn’t need to me to point out what people have so clearly demonstrated themselves. More to the point, the kind of argument that inevitably ends up as “you’re wrong, no you’re wrong” always reminds me of the pointless bickering my sister and I used to do as kids. It’s not going to solve anything, and neither of you are going to change your minds, so why are you wasting your time?

      I keep waiting for this post to come naturally to its conclusion but, apparently, I have a lot to say about this topic. I am, however, at the point where I think I’ll mostly be repeating myself. I do that, at a certain point, when I’ve run out of new things to say but the emotion behind it is still going on inside me. Perhaps, ultimately, that’s the real reason some people comment, reply, and post online; the emotions they feel won’t let them not say something. That said, I still believe we can think about we say first, and notice when it’s no longer productive. So, at this point, I am going to follow my brain, which is telling me that to say more would be unproductive, and stop writing here (even though it feels super abrupt).

    • Planning Paralysis

      Every now and then (some weeks it’s every other day) I’ll dive into a massive burst of motivation to plan for my more productive, more active life. I think that if I can just find the perfect system, schedule my workouts, and plan my meals, then I’ll be set for a “better” life. After all, you don’t have to search too hard on Youtube, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. to find someone who tells you about the magic of time-blocked schedules and the miracle of the the new planner they just unboxed.

      Don’t get me wrong, people should find what works for them. I don’t even mind that they’re sharing it because it might work for someone else who didn’t know about it until it was shared. On the other hand, coming across one of those videos or posts wreaks havoc on my productivity.

      I’m a planner of massive proportions. I love spreadsheets, planners, color coding and the works. I will happily spend a day, or two, planning for the school year (classic teacher), or house projects, or anything else. Then I will put the plan to one side, maybe follow it for a day or two, and then retire it. Then I will sigh over ho that wasn’t the “perfect” system and spend another day or two figuring out a new system. You see my problem? If left to the mercy of systems and plans I will plan my life away.

      It’s the planning I like, not the doing.

      That said, I have something of a superpower secret. My most productive and healthiest times in my life have been when I didn’t plan them. My lowest weight and most nutritious eating? All of that happened without scheduling them out and meal planning. I wasn’t even tracking calories or my meals. My most creative hobbies? They flourished when I just felt like doing them and did them–and I felt like doing them almost every day. I am, generally, my most productive when I let myself do things instead of plan things.

      Planning is my kryptonite.

      I wrote this because I almost went down the planning black hole this morning. I stopped myself, probably just in time. I already know what I need to do. I don’t need to plan for it, I just need to do it. So, find what works for you (and if it’s planning, that’s great!). In the meantime, I’m going to go do something. Probably, finally, water my poor plants.

    • What is the “One Notebook Principle?”

      What is the “One Notebook Principle?”

      Note: This post is pinned since it serves as an explanation to the site. At some point I will likely move it to an “About” page. Until that happens please scroll down, or use the left sidebar, to find more recent posts.

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      When I was in high school and college, I had a tendency to start off well organized. I had a notebook and folder for every class and every intention to use them faithfully. “This will be the year,” I used to tell myself, “that I will finally stay organized.” I was always wrong. It would never be that year.

      Now I am almost 40 and I’ve been kidding myself for at least the last 15 years or so. Every time I had a project or idea, which is often, I start a new notebook, or blog, or social media account, etc. I have dozens of these, at least, all half-filled and unfinished. You know what isn’t half-filled? The notebook I’m using that only has about half the pages because it’s my old English notebook from my junior year of high school (the one I had before I stopped using it in favor of whatever subject I eventually used for everything). This notebook includes: journal entries, to do lists, brainstorming lists for work (I’m a teacher), websites I should remember, appointments, etc. This is not to say that I don’t have a planner. I even use it. Yet somehow everything I tell myself I will keep organized in different notebooks has ended up in one notebook again.

      The thing is, I’ve been doing the same thing with websites and blogs. Everyone seems to think that you can’t have a successful website or blog if it’s too broad. You can’t overly specialize either. You should diversify, but not so widely that you confuse your audience. You need to be clear with what niche you’re filling and what audience you’re writing for. Websites and blogs are full of advice and how to’s and seem largely devoid of anything actually resembling real life and hobbies. Maybe I’m just reading the wrong blogs and sites.

      I found myself the other day missing Livejournal, back when it was at its peak, where everyone wrote about anything and everything all in one place. Sure, people specialized and could have a tendency to write about certain movies, books, or hobbies. There was also, however, a great deal of variety in general. No one thought twice, or so it seemed, about writing for a specific audience because we all seemed to be writing, primarily, for ourselves. No one seemed to be selling or appealing to anyone in particular.

      This website is my attempt at having “one notebook” in website form. Rather than attempt to have numerous websites/blogs that get updated when and if I feel like it, I will instead have have a variety of posts and topics on one website. If you’ve made it this far, and are curious, this can and probably will include the following: general life reflections, my efforts to get healthy again, home projects, crafting, playing World of Warcraft, writing and world building, teaching (oh yeah, I’m a teacher), my pets, book reviews, etc.

      Oh, one final note: The first few posts will likely be cross-posted from (and maybe to) some of my other blogs and websites while I debate shutting them down for good. So if you, by some chance, happen to see them on another website that’s likely why.

    • From the Archives: My Achilles’ Heel of Morning Routines

      From: April 1, 2018

      Lately I’ve been doing a lot of reading about morning routines and/or rituals.  It seems to be one of the newest trends in the wellness/lifehacking/habit-building/lifestyle blog world.  Everyone has a recommendation for building the perfect morning routine.  This is not a blog post about where you will read about my perfect morning routine or where I spout off inspiration about how to be motivated and complete your entire routine in the dark and the cold because you drive to work as the sun comes up (here’s looking at you Massachusetts in the winter).  

      I’d say I’m not a bitter, but clearly I would be lying.  Let’s face it, getting up in the morning is hard no matter what season it is or what the climate is like for you.  Your bed is always comfier, a sweet lie that, so long as you stay in it, the world does not include you and work does not exist.  This is true for everyone, not just teachers, and that’s ok.  I count myself as a morning person and I still have trouble getting out of bed and being productive.  

      Being a morning person, however, has earned me the benefit of waking up early.  This never used to be the case for me, but I have since conquered that mountain (more on how I did this may come in a later post) and can now wake up before my alarm most mornings.  Then, of course, my imperfect morning routine commences.  I wake up at about 5am, most mornings, and proceed to lie in bed for about ten minutes staring at my ceiling and petting my cat.  I like this time because it allows me to put my thoughts in order and to acknowledge the fact that I need to be awake now.   

      After this, I am guilty of turning to an electrical device.  I do what everyone advises against, and so my tablet and my phone are on a shelf by my bed.  Sorry?  I don’t tend to check email, instead generally opting for completing a logic puzzle and then reading.  I can get lost in books, even on my tablet, and so my second alarm lets me know when it is 6am and that I really need to start getting out of bed now.  

      From there I sometimes hit snooze, sometimes because I’m having a hard morning and sometimes because I’m not at a good point in my book to stop reading just yet.  Either way, I’m out of bed by 6:10 and getting dressed for work.  Unless it is a day where I can’t decide what to wear, I’m downstairs in the kitchen by 6:25.  My routine involves little to no hair care and I don’t wear make-up.  I tend to take my showers after work, since I like the relaxation time after dealing with students all day.

      At 6:25ish I take the dog out.  He hates the cold and the snow of winter more than I do so, lately, this takes about 5 minutes before he runs for home, whether I’m prepared to run or not.  I feed the dog and my cat, and then put on water for tea and pack my lunch.  Lunch is sometimes leftovers, sometimes something made the night before (I am occasionally good like that), and sometimes an apple with yogurt and pita bread if, again, it’s a bad morning.  

      After all this it’s about 6:45 and I make my own breakfast.  Generally it’s just cereal with fruit, as I am routinely bad at getting protein with my breakfast even though I do manage to take a multivitamin.  After breakfast, with my tea safely in a metal travel mug, I brush my teeth, make sure everything is packed in my bag, and am out the door sometime between 7:00 and 7:05.  I get to work at about 7:40, review my upcoming day, and students arrive at 8:00.

      With all this, I couldn’t see how any of the so-called “perfect” routines really helped me.  They all seemed to include at least four different activities, budgeting between ten and fifteen minutes for each one.  That’s close to my entire reading time.  Searching for articles meant just for teachers proved a few things.  The first is that there are very few resources just for teachers, at least that I found.  Anyone else have more luck with this?  

      The second is that most of the advice for teachers suggested moving a bunch of things to after work, during planning or lunch, or getting up earlier.  After work is viable, though difficult for reasons I won’t get into here.  Planning and lunch might be good for about a five or ten minute lap around the building, but not much else.  I get twenty minutes for lunch and fifty minutes for planning.  Some planning periods are fuller than others, leading to many days where my lap around the building is me running to check in with five different teachers in fifty minutes.  

      This just leaves me getting up earlier.  For a variety of reasons, all generally leading back to keeping my sanity and lowering my stress levels, I am reluctant to get rid of my reading time.  When the weather gets a bit warmer, and the sun rises before I’m out of bed, I might try cutting my reading time in half and working out.  Otherwise I see no other recourse than to wake up before 5:00.  This is possible, and plenty of people do it, but I find it extremely difficult.  It is my Achilles’ heel of morning routines.  What’s yours?

    • From the Archives: I’m not a sharer, but I’m blogging anyway

      14 July 2023

      There are probably thousands, if not millions, if not billions even, of people like me.  People for whom the idea of sharing things online either never occurs to us, feels like too much effort to create a post, or some combination of the two.  It’s not that my cats aren’t cute; it’s not even that I don’t have pictures and videos of them being cute.  Honestly, it’s that I never really feel like it needs to be shared with a mass of perfect strangers who have their own lives to worry about.  

      It’s not that I’ve never thought about sharing; after all I’m writing this post/entry.  The difference, really, between my attempts and thoughts and other people’s is that I lack follow through.  I have had blogs in the past, an Instagram account, and a Twitter account.  None of them lasted for longer than a few posts because I lack follow through.  Ultimately, my life doesn’t feel like it’s worth the effort of sharing.  This isn’t because I feel like my life is lacking or that it doesn’t somehow “measure up.”  It’s just that I’m busy living it, not recording it for the entertainment of strangers.

      “Alright,” I can hear internet hecklers say, “but here you are trying it again?  Airing out your thoughts and your lives for perfect strangers?”

      So let me explain, even though internet hecklers will think what they like because they’re that kind of people and actually seem to enjoy being rude.

      First, this post was sort of writing itself in my head and so I figured I would type it up.  This has happened before and I have other entries that have never made it onto the internet outside of my Google Drive.  I find these ideas are better written down or typed up (why are those prepositions different for those verbs?  Never mind, different topic) then left languishing in my head.  Getting these entries out of my head actually has nothing to do with sharing them with the world.

      So why is this, potentially anyway, getting posted on the internet?  I’m actually not sure as I’m writing this that it will get posted, but let me try to explain why I actually might.  There comes a point where you want things that you do to affect other people.  Not negatively, again that’s not good for anyone and if you get enjoyment from that maybe you should think about the kind of person you have become.  Affecting people positively, or at least neutrally, however is a thing to be strived for in the world.  Generally, as a teacher, I strive to have at least a neutral effect, but hopefully a positive one, on my students.  

      My students, however, don’t benefit or even hear my stories about the chickens, my attempts at spinning, or any other craft I’m dabbling in at the moment.  They don’t hear about my yet-to-be successful attempts at using the meal planning board I put together several months ago or how well the garden is growing even though we’re dealing with a rat problem (thankfully our six cats seem to be keeping them outdoors and they’ve yet to bother the chickens).  

      These are things I want to write about.  These are things I think I might want to share, just in case someone needs to or wants to read them.  Just in case they help, even though they might never help anyone.  So here we go, posting and trying to maybe be consistent about it, just in case.

    • From the Archives: Lawn Mowing

      From: 4 June 2022

      Today I used a reel mower for the first time.  Our decision to buy a reel mower was predicated first upon my fiance’s dislike of the sound motorized mowers make, not that I disagreed with him.  The environmental benefits and not having to buy and store fuel was also a plus and a consideration.  

      The past few weeks my fiancé has been mowing the lawn and, as the lawn is slightly on a hill, has a lot of tree roots, and is in an odd shape, he’s been having a tough time of it.  Today, since he broke his toe yesterday,  the chore fell to me.  

      I started at 7 in the morning, just after taking the dog out, since I knew if I went back inside I would never want to come back out.  My fiance’s general philosophy on mowing with a reel mower seems to be to just walk with it, in a grid-like pattern, and occasionally go back over spots if need be.  

      My philosophy, I discovered this morning, is somewhat different:

      1. I mow like a vacuum.  It’s sort of straight lines, except when it’s sweeping arcs, and the yard is divided up into smaller sections or “rooms.”
      2. When a slower speed and a longer push doesn’t work, short strokes or pushes at higher speed might.
      3. Sometimes it pays to come at the same patch of grass from different angles.
      4. Tree roots are fun and a chance for innovation and strength.
      5. Hills – see number 4
      6. The ability to raise and lower the blades is a gift.
      7. When all else fails just bend down and pluck out the stubborn stalk of grass that refuses to be cut.

      I don’t know if it’s obvious from the list but I enjoyed mowing the lawn all things considered.  It was cloudy and humid out, though I mostly lucked out with mosquitos and other bugs.  I covered myself pretty well which helped with the aforementioned bugs but also meant I sweat like crazy.  I still had fun though, and it was nice to just be doing something active and outside for an hour.

      I should, however, add two notes for future me: The next time you want to mow, try to eat breakfast first.  Also, drink water before and during, not just after you finish.

    • Rural Suburbia: cross-post (Weaving)

      From October 29, 2024:

      Let me explain a little bit of context here.  When I was young, probably around 13 or 14 years old, I was fascinated by–well, by a lot of things, but one of those things was weaving.  I had read a description in a book that described weaving as “shuttles will fly” and I couldn’t get that imagery out of my head.  I could see the women at their looms, hands moving smoothly and quickly to make intricately-patterned cloth.  The image was tantalizing and magical and I wanted to do that.

      About 6 years ago, I opened a small rigid heddle loom on Christmas morning.  A friend of mine, with a large floor loom, and I spent a couple of hours putting the loom together and, after she left, I stared at the loom on my kitchen table with some trepidation.  What the heck did I do next?  After a browse through the first chapter of the How-to book, gifted alongside the loom, I decided to try to measure the warp.  

      I didn’t have a warping board or, rather, I did but I didn’t realize the loom itself came with warping pegs and could double as a warping board.  I decided the next best thing was an alternative method described either in the book or found by Googling; I can’t remember which.  I attempted to tie the yarn I was using to a kitchen chair, thread through the heddle, and tie it onto the rod at the edge of the loom.  I don’t remember why I decided that I had measured incorrectly (or maybe I had just tied it on incorrectly and needed to redo it?), but either way I realized that this method was not working for me and I undid it all.  To be fair, having to eat dinner at the table was probably also a reason to pack it all up.  

      It stayed packed up until about two years ago when my husband and I bought a house with enough space to give me a craft room.  It now sits, all set up on its stand, in the corner of my craft room, waiting to be used.  It has waited for two years.  At first it was because I had realized that the loom would double as a warping board and was waiting for the pegs I ordered to arrive.  Then, after I found the pegs that had come with the loom in the first place, it was because I needed to detach the loom from the stand to use the pegs.  Then it was that I hadn’t quite put my craft room together yet (still an ongoing project) and so I didn’t have the space or the time to focus on it.  Finally, I decided to worry about measuring the warp later and just throw a small amount of yarn on the loom and weave something small, maybe 3 inches or so, just to say I had woven something.

      Now, about 6 years after receiving the loom, I have woven nothing, not even something only 3 inches in length.  While procrastination is in my nature, it ramps up more when I’m nervous about something.  In this case, I’m scared to mess up at something new, more than I am being bad at it.  I know those two things seem identical, but being bad means that I am weaving correctly but it doesn’t look pretty or polished at all.  Messing it up means I am weaving incorrectly, that I’m doing it wrong.  

      I’m not sure when I’ll take the plunge, throw some yarn on the loom, gather up my courage, and weave something small.  I’ll let you know when I do though.

    • Princess Soandso

      Author’s Note: This is something I wrote when I was having trouble sleeping for several nights in a row. In my head there’s either a curse on her marriage bed or a blessing on her childhood bed. Either way it’s a fairy tale kind of story idea.

      Princess Soandso wanted it to be known that, despite opinions to the contrary, she had never really gotten all that much sleep.  Yes, she spent an almost inordinate amount of time in bed but a good portion of that had little to do with sleep.  There were cats to pet, sunlight to lounge in, books to be read, and a quiet place where no one was loud or bothersome to enjoy.

      She knew that she had never needed all that much sleep, but this was ridiculous.  No one could survive on the amount of sleep she had been getting and not be yawning during morning council.  Admittedly it was her tenth yawn in the last fifteen minutes but did they really need to look so disapproving?  She was trying to stay awake as best she could but three hours of sleep almost eight hours ago was simply not enough.

      It wasn’t as though she had trouble falling asleep; she just couldn’t stay asleep and couldn’t manage to fall back asleep either.  Her new husband, Prince Notsohelpful, assured her it was from a new bed, a new mattress, and having someone sleep next to her for the first time.  She just had to give herself time to get used to it, he told her.  It wasn’t as though she didn’t know all of that but it wasn’t exactly helpful coming from someone who managed to sleep straight through the night without any perceivable issues.   

      Thankfully he also didn’t seem to have any issues with her sleeping in her old childhood bed, now in the connected would-be nursery.  She knew she had an attachment to the bed, but really it had been her salvation these last few nights.  She really could not have gone another week of not sleeping more